Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
