im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
