I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
