I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
