At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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