You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
