I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
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