5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
