I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
