I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
