omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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