I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
