The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize