We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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