hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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