Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
