just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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