i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize