I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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