First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize