So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Semen is not good for contacts.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm getting married
To pizza
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
