God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
