He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize