i permit you to call me
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
