i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
third nipple confirmed
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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