who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't turn off my feet"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
