Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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