week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
