weddingsv make me drug and hornr
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
