i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
