Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i think i have two assholes
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
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