Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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