I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
