I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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