I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
