You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
