mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
