Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
