So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
