i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
