Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
