ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
