Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
