He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
