I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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