He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
