that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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