Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
