We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
