Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
