if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
