my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
