You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
