Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
