dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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