when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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