Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Randomize
