O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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