It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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