Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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