My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
