Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
