Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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