I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
