Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
