I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
