Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
