If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
