Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
