The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
