My friends, they love my intelligence
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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