I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
