It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm too high and old for this...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
